Chapter 24: The battle of the exes.

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“What you don’t do can be a destructive force.”
- Eleanor Roosevelt



When I returned to the spot where I’d left Gerard and Pam, I saw neither of them and found Ralph instead. He was holding a glass of Evian, just as I’d asked him. I still wasn’t sure what made me blurt that out. I mean, hello?! You don’t exactly ask your ex-boyfriend for a flute of water in front of his fiancée. That is just pure stupidity.


As to which I am guilty of. Point-blank stupidity.


I slowly made my way back to him, all the while thinking what I could possibly ask him to make the situation less awkward than it already is. Should I ask about the wedding? Should I ask about their relationship? Jeez, of course not, the other half of my brain, the properly-working half I assume, snapped. Yeah, I shouldn’t. I mean it’s none of my business or whatsoever. 


“Here you go,” he said in a friendly tone as he handed the glass.


“Thanks,” I said and threw him a grateful smile. “Where are Ardie and Pam?” I asked curiously, hoping he’d know the answer why both of our dates are missing at the moment.


He shrugged his shoulders. “No idea. They weren’t around when I got here.”


I nodded and took a sip from my glass, buying my time to think of another question. I can’t just bail myself out of the situation after he’d just willingly brought me my glass of water, along with the fact that my brothers and Maxine are also nowhere in sight.


“I noticed that Carrie had headed off already. I didn’t know she’s following a curfew now,” he chuckled politely.


“Surprising, yes,” I replied, laughing to myself as well. “But she did mention that she has semi-finals exams this week so that’s reasonable enough for me.”


“And she’s studying now, too? Well, that’s a huge step for someone like Carrie,” he joked.


“Change is inevitable, so they say,” I shrugged and grinned sheepishly. But then again, as I was observing Ralph whirling his whiskey glass so the single lump of ice would finally liquefy and join his liquor, maybe old habits do die hard. He was never a big fan of ice cubes in his drinks; he wants his drinks served as neat — without ice. He used to say that the ice alters the taste of whatever drink that it comes in contact with.


“Why didn’t you just ask the bartender to replace your drink?” I pointed out while he continued his attempt to melt the solitary ice cube. “Or might as well removed the ice?”


He started chortling when he realized that I was observing him the whole time. “I wasn’t planning on chugging this up anyway,” he admitted. “I don’t want Pam to end up driving me home.”


I was planning to say something clichéd like I’m happy for you, but I just can’t lie to him face-front, so I settled for a simple, “You really care about her, don’t you?”


He didn’t say anything for a minute and just stared somewhere ahead. He then moved towards the adjacent tabletop and left his drink there and came back to me, holding out his right hand with palms facing upward.“Care to spare me this dance?” he asked, flashing that smile he knows I just can’t say no to.


I rested my hand on top of his and allowed him to lead me to the dance floor, where there were only three pairs of young adults, us including, and the rest were in their thirties or forties.


I could feel my entire body trembling as he laid his hand on the lower part of my back and locked his right hand with my left. I think I finally understand what they meant when they say it feels so wrong, yet so right.





I tried to divert my attention by intently listening to the song playing in the background, hoping that my quivering would finally die down before Ralph even notices. However, strangely enough, I realized that the lyrics of the song were quite fitting my situation with Ralph as of the moment:
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do


“Won’t Pamela get jealous when she sees us?” I finally declared out loud the question that has been bugging me since we started dancing. Standing very close to Ralph and getting a chance to hold his hand again might have been the main cause for the butterflies in my stomach, but I still have to remind myself that he’s engaged and his fiancée is just around the corner. And so is my date.


“We’re just dancing,” he confidently said.


“I know,” I grunted as I rolled my eyes. “But you know what I mean, Ralph. Dancing with your ex-girlfriend is not exactly a sight for sore eyes.”


“Are we still pertaining about Pam here or are you really concerned on how Gerard would react?” he teased. “No pun intended by the way,” he instantly added, fearing that I might take his joke differently.


“None taken,” I assured him with a smile. “And what does Gerard have to do with our conversation? I was talking about Pam, remember?” I answered matter-of-factly.


“You tell me, you’re with him,” he said and even shrugged his shoulders for effect. He was really persistent on pulling my leg, and I wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction of renouncing.


“Ooohh,” I crooned. “So you think I was lying when I said that Gerard and I aren’t a couple?” I taunted in return with a raised eyebrow.


I could only click my tongue to mark the line when he came out with, “Well, I think he feels otherwise.”


“Be nice, Ralph,” I warned him. “We’re talking about my friend here, who also happens to be my date for the evening.”


“I’m sorry,” he sincerely said. “But I’m just worried about you, Chi. Someone needs to look after you since you have this tendency to trust people that easily.”


Just when I thought that awkwardness was past behind us and I was starting to feel comfortable with Ralph again, something would always come up and ruin our chance of reuniting our friendship.


“Ralph,” I exhaled. “You don’t need to take the trouble for that. You have Pamela now and she’s the one you should be caring for, not me.”


He pulled me a little closer to him and I didn’t make a move to fight against it, because God knows how much I longed for this too. “She’s just not you, Chi,” he whispered to my ear; his lips almost touching my jaw line and his breath all over my neck.


I wanted to touch his face, to feel the warmth of his lips once more. I wanted the world to cease on moving so I can continue holding him without feeling any pang of guilt.


This is so wrong, the rational half of my brain reminded me. I knew that; dancing with him and standing close to him are both inappropriate in every angle of the circumstance. But how could I deprive myself of these when I get to be Ralph even for a short while?


Does it hurt? Yes, more full-blown and concentrated than a commercial juice drink. Does it take you to a guilt trip? Yes, like I’d just committed every sin possible. But does it make you happy? Without a shred of doubt.


However when I saw my brothers looking at us from afar with disapproving looks evident on their faces, I suddenly felt like I was Cinderella and the clock has just tolled midnight.




Quote
Translations:

Ta bu guo qing jie jie tiao le liang ci wu, ni gan ma chi cu a? = He’s only had a couple of dances with Ate, why should you eye him with such jealousy?
Mei mei = Little sister
Bi zui = Shut up


Pam and I decided to head back to the gathering since the fireworks display and dragon dance will start in ten minutes.


“You go ahead, I’ll just go to the washroom first,” Pam told me before she made her way inside the house.


I saw my sister standing near the punch bowl area, looking partly like a wallflower in our own party. “Hey, loner,” I mocked, wanting to even the score when she whacked me with her fist earlier. But as I joined her, I caught a knowing look from my sister’s face for a fleeting second. That same look when she’s keeping something from me and is still deliberating if she’ll tell me it to me straight or let me put up with the excruciating torture of waiting. The look that could only be decipherable through an unwritten pact between siblings.


“What is it, Veronica?” I sighed wearily, hoping against all hope that she’ll just let the cat out of the bag.


She heaved a long, dramatic sigh as if she’s trying to audition for a Tennessee Williams play. I’m not sure if she’s trying to prolong the possession of the ball on purpose or because of hesitation. “You might want to see this… or not.”


I took the same direction of vision as hers and, for the third time tonight, I was taken by surprise but this time with a fiercer case of angry outburst; as if the first two weren’t enough to drive me round the bend.


I’m in no position to judge but this is absolutely out of kilter. And they’re dancing way too close and intimate for an ex-couple. I should do something before Pamela sees her fiancé fooling around behind her back. Or maybe she should?


No, I immediately shook the thought away. The last thing I wanted to see right now is Pam getting hurt.


“Ta bu guo qing jie jie tiao le liang ci wu, ni gan ma chi cu a?” Maxine pointed out as my stare continued to pierce through the dancing ex-couple.


“Mei mei, bi zui,” I managed to utter despite the involuntary gritting of my incisors and molars. I wasn’t sure if she was trying to make fun of me or just stating the obvious, but that’s actually the least of my concerns right now.


“Just don’t do anything that will ruin the celebration, okay?” she stressed out when she sensed that I was about to head to the dance floor.


My eyes are unusually oval for a guy with Chinese blood, but this time I could feel the slits of my lids narrowing. And I’m starting to be acutely aware of the labored breathing coming from my chest, huffing and puffing like a predator waiting to strike its prey.


“Wendy,” I rumbled, making sure that the expression of dissatisfaction was very much perceptible in my voice.


“Gerard.” She enunciated my name softly, almost dotingly if it wasn’t for the clear proof of their crime.


“The fireworks display would start in a minute,” I said, trying to control the pandemonium inside my head from rising. “I suggest we go find ourselves a good spot to watch it.”


“Well, I guess I’d better start looking for Pam as well,” Mr. Smart-A*s interjected. “It was lovely to see you again, Chi.”


Lovely to see you again? Lao Tsu, spare me. And Chi? Don’t tell me they’ve successfully created a term of endearment after a few dances?


“You, too, Ralph,” she smiled. “Send my regards to your sisters.”


Oh, so we’re playing some sort of reunion now, eh? And as if the public display of affection, or personal disgust of affection with their case, wasn’t already enough, the egghead even planted a light peck on her cheek.


“Let’s go,” I impatiently told Wendy, making a pull to the closest upper limb I could tug, but I was oblivious of the sharp yanking I was doing to her not until I noticed her wincing.


“Gerard, wait,” she groaned while trying to wrench her arm away from my grip.


“Pare, I think you’re hurting her,” he butted in yet again.


I loosened up my grasp but I was still possessively, yet lightly holding her arm and moved her closer to my side.“I suggest you mind your own business, pal.”


“Don’t be so domineering, as far as I know you’re not her boyfriend.”


“And so are you,” I retorted crossly. I wanted to whack his face with a sharp blow of my fist so he’d learn his lesson never to test my patience.


But Wendy immediately cut us off before any damage could be done. “Stop it, you two,” Wendy hissed, making sure that the impending warfare is out of earshot from the other guests. “Let us not embarrass ourselves in front of other people, especially in front of your parents,” she reminded the both of us, but mostly to me. She rolled her eyes stormily and pushes the both of us aside. I casted Ralph a silent glare before I went after her.


She stood behind Maxine and her brothers with her arms crossed over her chest and a disdainful lift of her eyebrow. “Jerk,”  she grumbled, only loud enough for me to hear.


I opted to keep mum instead since bickering with her would just make matters worst than it already is. Thank God when a booming sound erupted close by and my attention has shifted to the sky above us, which is now marvelously lighted with sparks of red, yellow, blue, and green. But I’m still too hot and bothered to even appreciate any celebratory merrymaking.




After we’ve greeted his parents and paid our respects to their family’s elders, I followed Gerard up to his room to confront him much to his chagrin. It was my first time to set foot in, yet alone see, his room, though it’s very much insubstantial to my interest right now to say the least.


“Okay, what in the freakin’ world is your problem, Gerard? You’re acting all weird,” I started to raise my voice an octave higher than usual the moment I closed the door behind me.


“I’m not being weird,” he answered listlessly as he collapsed on the couch across his bed. He switched the plasma screen on and his Xbox 360.


“Unbelievable,” I muttered under my breath. I walked in front of the screen with my hands on my hips and glared at him. “Stop avoiding the conversation, Gerard. I’m still talking to you,” I snapped.


“I’m not evading the conversation. I’m just not in the mood right now to deal with this, okay? I told you, I’m tired.”


“Tired? You’re about to play with your game console and you’re claiming that you’re tired? Are you kidding me?!”


“Look, Chi,” he said, mockingly spitting my name. “Why don’t you just go back downstairs and dance with your ex-boyfriend again? It appears to me that you’re having so much fun with him, reminiscing the old times.”


I chortled darkly. “So this is what it’s all about? You’re gnashing your teeth because I danced with Ralph? Well, Ardie,” I countered, uttering his nickname like a word of profanity. “Maybe I wouldn’t end up looking like a wallflower if my date wasn’t so busy flirting with his best friend. I think you’re the one who’s trying to reminisce the old times.”


“I haven’t talked to her for a long time, what do you expect? At least we have a legitimate reason to muse over, what about you? He’s your ex-boyfriend, what else is there to talk about?”


“What? Jealous much?” I taunted, but immediately regretted saying it.


He snorted and shook his head. “We’re just pretending to be together. I’m just your rebound guy, right?”He curled his lip with much irritation. “So why should I get jealous? Oh, wait! I just remembered that we’re not pretending anymore since you told your ex-boyfriend that we’re not a couple.”


I fell quiet and tried to hold back the tears. “You might as well have slapped me,” I murmured and stormed out of his room.


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